I am judging a total of NINE(!) entries for the Daphne! Holy shit, Batman, how did I get myself into this? And they’re (gulp!) historical romances! Ack!

Better get crackin. Deadline’s April 25, which sounds far away but it actually isn’t.

Lately, either because of a lack of time or interest or both, I’ve become extremely picky about the reading materials I select. Maybe it’s because after years and years of gorging on erotica and romance novels and US Weekly magazines, my brain has finally had its fill of junk. I couldn’t even sit through the entire hour of LOST last night. These days I seem to be drawn to Smithsonian magazine, serious fiction, modern dance concerts, trip hop and The Secret Life of the American Teenager (which I can and will vigorously argue with you that it’s not junk, Bristol Palin notwithstanding). Not quite cognoscenti-levels, but definitely a departure from my normally pedestrian taste.

I mention this because I’m seriously considering trying my hand at the short story. I might be good at it in theory, short attention span and all. Thing is, I don’t read it and know nothing about it. Don’t know how to structure it, don’t know the rules, don’t know how and where to sell it. I do know that short stories, as a collective format, are a literary cut above genre fiction (no such thing as “genre short story,” is there?).

Since I have characters and a story cooking in my brain, I might give it a try. After a bit of research first, of course.

…old college buddy. Thinking of you today. Happy, happy birthday, wherever you are.

Oh 2009, you came and went so fast. I can’t believe it’s the end of the year. The freaking DECADE. When tribute bands decide to cover you, what will they call you? There’s the 80s, then the 90s, then…the zero-zeros? Someone come up with a name quick.

And what songs will this Zero-Zero tribute band cover? All I say is they better include these party pleasers:

1. Black Eyed Peas — “Let’s Get It Started”
2. Nelly — “Hot In Herre”
3. Prince — “Black Sweat”
4. A. R. Rahman, Sukhvinder Singh, Tanvi Shah & Mahalaxmi Iyer — “Jai Ho”
5. LL Cool J — “Headsprung”
6. Gnarls Barkley — “Crazy”
7. Jay-Z — “99 Problems”
8. Usher — “Yeah”
9. Outkast — “Sorry Ms. Jackson”
10. The White Stripes — “Seven Nation Army”
11. Amy Winehouse — “Rehab”
12. Eminem — “Lose Yourself”
13. 50 Cent — “In Da Club”
14. Missy Elliott — “Get Ur Freak On”
15. Kelly Clarkson — “Since U Been Gone”
16. Kanye West — “Jesus Walks”
17. Justin Timberlake — “SexyBack”
18. Rihanna — “Umbrella”
19. Missy Elliott — “Work It”
20. Coldplay — “Living La Vida”
21. Kanye West — “Gold Digger”
22. Kelis — “Milkshake”
23. Britney Spears — “Toxic”
24. The Killers — “Mr. Brightside”
25. Beyoncé — “Single Ladies”
26. Christina Aguilera — “Beautiful”
27. Alicia Keys — “Fallin’”
28. Madonna — “Music”
29. Kings of Leon — “California Waiting”
30. Pink — “Get The Party Started”
31. Snoop Dogg — “Drop It Like It’s Hot”
32. Mary J. Blige — “Family Affair”
33. Lady Gaga — “Poker Face”
34. Gorillaz — “Feel Good Inc.”
35. Ne-Yo — “Closer”
36. Paramour — “Ignorance”
37. Mariah Carey — “We Belong Together”
38. N.E.R.D. — “Lapdance”
39. John Legend — “Let’s Get Lifted”
40. Twista (feat. Jamie Foxx & Kanye West) — “Slow Jamz“
41. R. Kelly — “Ignition”
42. Soundmaster T — “Too Much Booty”
43. Pittbull — “Calle Ocho (I Know You Want Me)”

Yeah, I’m partial to rap, hip hop and R&B. But I included some rock and pop songs in the mix. A tall order? If I can find a band that can cover both Eminem AND Mariah, I’ll be first in line at the ticket booth.

I’ve started a book review site here devoted to all things spy. Come join me.

I’m having a serious identity crisis lately. No, not about me as a person, but me as a writer. Sage friend Michelle Rowen asked me recently if I’m going to the next RWA convention in Nashville. My IGR (“initial gut reaction”) was, yes! It’ll be good to see old friends again. But the a second later I was like, wait a sec. What business do you have going to a romance writers’ convention? You don’t read romances!

Yep, I’m also having an identity crisis as a reader. I haven’t picked up a book with a romance as the central theme in ages. And while I usually go through cycles, I’m thinking this no-romance reading this might be permanent. To be clear, I enjoy a romantic story, but only as a subplot to a story that involves saving the world. Think The Matrix or Bourne Identity.

So this is the kind of story I want to write too. But I don’t know what the problem is. A lack of time, certainly. And a general overwhelming number of activities that sap my energy/mental capacity.

I have no updates other than to conclude my stream-of-consciousness writing with this: I still want to write. But not right now. Wish I could dance more. And go skiing. That’s what I really want to do.

Oh no. I’m itching to write again. Dammit, why? I thought I was cured. I thought the day job had sucked all the life out of me. I thought I was past this illness called “writing.” Why oh why am I suddenly getting the itch to write again? Same story (TPATS) but with a different (nay, better?) beginning.

It’s all Michelle’s fault. Her and that Nanowrimo thing. And my own stupid little exercise of calculating the amount of actual pages (6.7) to complete the 50K requirement. Turns out I’m not a disciplined writer at all — I write when I feel like it, then abandon my stories when I think they’re no good. Sheesh. And to think I’d hoped to one day quit the day job and write full-time. ***smacks head*** What was I thinking?

Well, maybe I wasn’t THINKING.  Maybe I was feeling. Feeling this stupid feeling that I. Must. Write.  And now this feeling the urge. The itch.  Crap.  Maybe the old gray matter is still functioning after all. Maybe not all the creativity has been crushed out of my soul.

The Plan: Tentatively do some prewriting. Then come Nano time…well, we’ll see.

Can’t seem to stop watching TV lately. It’s a product of the day job squeezing my brains like a cheerleader squeezing water from a wet sponge during a fundraising car wash. Where did that imagery come from? Obviously from GLEE, my second favorite show on TV. So campy and happy. And 90s-centric. I can’t get over all the groovin to songs from my college years. “You said neato, check your libido,” and “I wanna sex you up!”  SYTYCD has finally culled its Top 20 dancers (early faves: Russell the Krumper and that cute black girl with the short hair and big eyes. Oh, and Bianca the Tapper), and both Supernatural and Mad Men and ramping up the tension.

And people say nothing’s on TV. Tomorrow: Project Runway.

In a word: myjob.  Okay, technically two words, but it’s what’s making me want to slit my wrists.  November is looming and I can’t believe it. Haven’t blogged here since August.  To sum up:

• Work is crushing my soul.
• I need a new job.
• I still can’t get my Tweets to sync with my Facebook updates; AND…
• I’m not writing.

Michelle reminded all her blog readers today that Nanowrimo is approaching.  I’ve never done Nanowrimo before, possibly because I never believed that type of writing produced anything positive.  For me, I always thought it would be a huge waste of time because I would have to take 99.99% of the material and throw it out. So what’s the point, right?

Since I haven’t been writing anyway, maybe I’ll go ahead and do it this year.  The goal, as I understand it, is not impossible: 50K words in 30 days. Roughly 6.67 pages a day, seven days a week. The rule is simple: vomit out the words. No editing, no rewriting, no going back over your work, not even to proofread. But to be successful, according to Michelle (aka Obi Wan), one must have a story that’s fully plotted and fleshed out. In other words, prewrite the hell out of it. Develop the characters plot out the plot.

Still mulling it through. Work is killing me.  I need to concentrate in looking for a new job.  And I need to tend to the children too. Perhaps I shall take a mental health day tomorrow.

Dammit. I actually carved out time tonight to write, and what happens?  Compatibility problems. I had accidentally “upsaved” TPATS as a .docx, and now I can’t open it in my stupid laptop.  I tried installing conversion software from Microsoft, but they want me to use Internet Explorer to download the program. Typical of totalitarian Microsoft.

So I’m stuck. Crapola. Til tomorrow. I need to print out TPATS anyway. Been awhile since I’ve worked on it.